only 2hr more but you are not there, my dream seem like won't be here anymore. first birthday to be so sad, feels very very EMO now. ):

Since i cant fall asleep i will come here to trash out again as now everyone is asleep in my hse so no one will see what i'm writing and i will start from one week ago.

last friday, 09/04/2010. Went back to work after two day of MC and got very angry with my collegue who was on leave that day. Before i went to extract my wisdom tooth and on MC i have ask him to do something related to work on behalf of me but he not only done it wrongly, he didn't even finish the job i have given to him. And i have to go find out where he have not done and what went wrong and i don't know how to find out so i decide to wait for him to come back work then i ask him, not only that just after my MC, my boss keep asking me to do this and do that i'm sick and tired and he still want me to go up and down to do all the stupid stuff and in the end he dun even need it.

Saturday & Sunday didn't do much thing just stayed at home and played some games.

on monday, 12/04/2010. When i just reach office there is work waiting for me although i forget what is it already, like having short term memory these days. Anyway do all those stuff for the whole morning which left me no time to buy and eat breakfast. After lunch time, i did almost nothing as i do not want to do as i'm very tired so just stay around and wasting time till i finish work.

Tuesday, 13/04/2010. Normal day of work.

Wednesday, 14/04/2010. Went to work late so took a cab there with my bro because he is also late for work. That was also a very bad day, not much people is at work and was boring in the office because i'm doing the cutting and writing work again, and yes it's still just halfway done!!! Crap right, after so long and it's still halfway done only, feels like i'm just wasting time doing all these useless things for NS.

Today, thursday, 15/04/2010. Today was just very very BAD day, morning i have to settle alot of paper work thing and at 1100hrs have to go for a meeting on the behalf of my supervisor because he got a more important meeting at the same time at other places, so he ask me to attend the meeting on behalf of him. So i went to the meeting and come back i still got to summerise the meeting minutes for him and print out for him to see, plus i got to explain to him what to do. After lunch, everybody was out to do their work out of base and left only me at my office rotting away, and i thought i could just slack all the way till time up and go home but i was wrong. My supervisor is asking me to do stuff that i have told him hundred of time especially the carpark thing, and the locker issue. And i hate these few days wheather because it have been raining almost every evening and cause me to go home late, especially today, 1945hrs then i went home due to the rain and some work to be discuss with my supervisor and collegue. After went home do my stuff decide to sleep but in the end i still can't sleep and here i am updating my post.

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to is 8th April...2nd day of my MC....and i didn't do much thing at home...

morning wake up make appoinment with NDC to have check up on my tooth where ytd do the extraction there is still some tooth root left in the gum and i need to go down to NDC to check whether i have to take it out or i can just leave it there....after making the appoinment went to brush teeth and make my breakfast....dip the cereal in the milk to make it soft to eat and it took me 30mins before i could eat it..Zzzzzzz...

ytd after extraction i went back home felt so weak...and when i was sleeping i felt so cold even when no fan is on and no window is open....it is so hot in my room and i can cover my whole body with blanket and scare i have infection and cause the fever...no one was at home to look after me...for once i was hoping you are actually there to take care of me.....i rested untill around 8+++ then my gum felt so pain till i only can drink glucolin before i eat my medcine...after taking the medcine i felt much better but still i feel so weak to do anything...

my next NDC appoinment is 27th April....hope i no need to take out the tooth root because i'm afraid....

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haix....just feel like comin here to trash out the unhappyness...this might be the only thing i can trufully say out my feeling...so i decide not to stop blogging.......

for the past 1 week plus 3 days i have felt the same way...just can't get over it....although it's not so hurting this time round but i still felt lost everytime i think of it...although you said that it's not everything, but to me it is...i have also wondered whether i truly know the meaning for loving someone now, i know that loving someone is want them to be happy no matter what they do or decide, but i only thought of having you with me to love you...does it call love you this way?? For one week, and i still can't get the answer.

this one week have been one of the most suffering week for me....having to lose you and getting sick for almost one month and now having some pimple-like thing at my eye area, plus having so much 'sai kang' to do alone at work...still got to act like nothing happen untill late night i would cry to sleep and because of that i have been not enough sleep most of the time...don't know how long will this be lasting...hope it's not a life-time...

tomorrow going to polyclinic on my own again, it's been like that from the first time i went to polyclinic and can say it's has been more than 6 years i've gone there alone...don't know is going to pluck my tooth or just go for checking-up for preparation of plucking...pray god that is plucking and also it will not be so painful as what other people said so...

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today is 1st April 2010....another 19 days i will officially be an adult but dunno for what reason i do not get excited when it's reaching my birthday soon....maybe the reason is i know you will not be there to celebrate it with me...and also that i still cant accept the fact that we are already not in relationship and you will not be there for me to talk to when i have problem in the future...

been emotional tired due to i have cried to sleep these two day and having to act like i'm very fine to everyone around me....even family...dont want them to worry for my especially my mum....she will think i will go smoking and drinking like i did before...although i though of getting myself drunk to forget all the sorrow...didn't know i will be so weak and useless when come to relationship problem.....but dun worry no matter how weak and useless i am, i will not get myself into smoking and getting drunk (cause i might go drink abit) because i have respondsibility privately and at work....

just hopping i will get to accept that we are no longer able to share our happiness and sorrow tgt soon so that i will not be so distracted for both work and privately life......

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