CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE LOOKING AFTER MY BROTHER AND CAN'T GO OUT!!!!!!! WHEN MY FRIENDS ASKED ME OUT I AM THE ONLY ONE AT HOME LOOKING AFTER HIM AND WHEN I CALL MY FAMILY MEMBER THERE WON'T BE ANYONE LISTENING TO MY CALL!!!!! FUCK THIS FAMILY LA!!!! CAN'T EVEN HAVE MY FREEDOM OF GOING OUT..... KAN NI NA BU CHAO JI BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's been almost 3 months i did not post anything. Everyday is still the same from that day. Been going drinking, and doing all sort of things i shouldn't. I though i had forget things we shared but until last night dream i know i haven forget a single thing. And when i go drinking i didn't get drunk too, no matter how much i drink. Also my NS work been getting so much that I'm getting sick so easily, one man show in my office, who won't get sick doing it.

Enrolled for my Class 2B license two days ago, but no money to go for my prac lesson, and the theory lesson only have available slot on SEP 2010. So I've decided to go all out for my Class 2B license and i hope to get it before new year.

Gotta stop here and i have nth much more to post...............Signing Off.............................

i must have been lying to myself ytd...because i haven let it go yet, because i've been thinking bout you so much...i just want you back with me, i hate the feeling i have now, wanted to cry but really nth come out from my eyes, can't smile and laugh like i use to be all the smiles i put on was all fake i dun want to be like this...i really hope i can be dead now...feeling so terrible...can't sleep at night too everyday i slp only around 4am in the morning, all i do was stare at the computer and thinking of you...just want to go drink till i die.....loss of motivation to do everything.........

but you are already with somebody else....nth more i can do....

i have realize the more i do to correct my mistake the more wrong things i will do.

just like i did not know returning you those things will make you despise and hate me even more then before, eveytime i want to do something to make you feel better but in the end make you despise me more, take our last date as example, i was so happy we get to meet up to have dinner tgt at last, and otw there i tod you are just tired, and i'm not feeling very well so did not talk much but in the end things happen. i rather we nve meet on the particular day. when i return the thing i did not have the thought of making you unhappy but too things just happen like dat....all i did was just want to redeem myself and want to proof that i wun commit the same mistake but then i was condemed...without even given chance to proof it....now that i know whatever i do will make you hate/despise or even treat me as someone who you didn't even get to know before i shall do nth anymore, do nth to make you even take a second look of me....to even know i existed...i just want to tell you i'm sorry but i dun dare to call you up................

Labels: "things are created by your hand, it also can be destroyed by the very own hand created it."

today, found out the truth although to you it doesn't matter but to me it matter a lot. although the thing you told me really hurt so much because in just bout 1 month of our break up you are already attached again, you are telling me you never really love me before and i was right after what you have told me...to myself i never know i would love you so much that although i given everything back to you but i kept only the wallet and every time i see the wallet i would think of you. everyday now i could not eat, could not sleep and could not think well, and i think i will not love another woman in my life anymore. because my heart will be with you, and it's always till the day i draw the last breath of my life. i know you won't be looking into my blog anymore that's the reason now i have wrote all this feeling i have down, this place will be the only place i can tell my secret to now...because you will only spend time with your newly found love or maybe you already love him even before we are together, and i have also realize i only have one photo of us taken together. so sad to say i know we also won't be sharing our happiness and sadness together anymore.....dear huixian i will always rmb the days we had spent tgt for my life and i hope you will be happy.........

no more crying anymore from now on already...because my heart is completely broken into pieces and nothing can fix it back anymore....when i am bathing just now, i wanted to cry out as it's the only time i can do it...but no-matter how hard i tried nothing come out of my eyes, then i saw myself in the mirror i have a look which have no emotion on the face then i realize my heart is really broken into pieces by you and it will never heal up even 1/10 of it's original...all i have on my face now is all fake...this is the day where i felt i have lost everything in this world and really have no meaning to live on....now i just hope that i will get into a fatal accident and die on the spot so i can free myself...there is nothing i can do to have you return to me anymore....all hope is lost for good....only can wish you could be happy from now on..............

feel so dead.....been crying to sleep recently and more & more frequent it's happening....did not know what to do.....and because of this plus the workload i'm having i feel like this body does not belong to me at all.....it doesn't feel like me cos i'm not the type who can take so much stress.....just wanna go into a sleep of eternal....and never ever have to wake up to face the stress.... :(